December 12, 2009

Not a Morning Person

A wise marriage counselor once said that the first five minutes of the day are important to the success of a marriage.

That is a counterintuitive thought here at the homestead where no one is a morning person. We have a policy; no one must speak before noon. This was difficult until our son was about ten, then he embraced the family tradition.

It is sometimes difficult for me, as I have been known to speak under anesthesia. So we speak but it is in code.

“Ummhhhrrrr.” This means “Don’t forget to take your cell phone off the charger.”

“Eeeehhhh?” This means, “Do you have money for lunch?”

“Awrrrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhh” which means “I’ve just stepped on cold ceramic tile in my bare feet, and why did we move back to this frozen gadforsaken place from warm, sunny Florida?

When I was growing up, my stay-at-home mother got me up every morning. Attempted to get me up. I say, attempted because she fought a losing battle.

My mother was always cheerful and sunny in the mornings, which I found extremely annoying. She popped her head into my childhood bedroom at the appointed hour and said, “its all urine, pee-pee,” meaning that our bathroom was empty and I could take my bath.

I usually pulled the covers over my head and went back to sleep until she made three or four more attempts. She usually didn’t get angry until about thirty minutes before I was supposed to leave. And she never got very angry, which I found funny, and then she got annoyed.

Such are mothers and daughters.

Now I am going back to full time work.

For a year I’ve enjoyed the luxury of getting up when I damn well pleased. Getting up meant grabbing a cup of coffee in my favorite mug or a real Coke in glass and sliding half-awake into my office, leisurely reading my newspapers and my email and writing about Whatever.

Now it is time to pay the piper.

Come six-forty-five a.m., I will have one thing to say. "Awrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh."