A little senseless drivel about sensory change after menopause.
Since I went back to full-time work in December, I wonder if I am getting dementia. This fear grips me every morning at 6:30 a.m. Except on weekends.
Despite the multi-generational family history of losing it and the complete lack of estrogen in my post-menopausal body, there’s no real reason to think this.
Well, except for this evidence: I cannot operate my alarm clock.
In my dotage, I need an alarm with big, big numbers. I used to sleep with my glasses on so I could see the alarm, but that’s mighty uncomfortable. Got tired of having those unsightly lines on my face every morning next to the ones created by nature.
I bought an electronic alarm with 3-inch high red LCD numbers that resembles runway lights at LaGuardia. Setting the clock and the alarm requires a proctologist’s dexterity. I can’t seem to get it.
Every night I reset the alarm, and reset the clock. In the morning if I manage to turn off the alarm before the Cat and the Husband become hysterical over the early booming alarm, I usually change the time.
Each night Husband looks at the LCD clock and says, “Look, dear, its 3 a.m., time for the NBC Nightly News.” And then I get ready for bed, and reset the clock that I messed up that morning.
Yesterday I was simply over it, and decided to buy a new “old” alarm clock. I wanted a Westclock alarm like I had in college, before the Peloponnesian War. Easy to operate, move the red dial to the desired time, pull out the pin in the back. Finished. Easy.
Husband reminisced about his Westclock alarm, and remembered that it had a lighted dial, “probably iridium or plutonium, probably killing us with gamma rays.”
That’s what I had also, and it worked, despite the phosphorescent glow.
Stopped by Walgreens and picked up a clock for $4.99 that looked like the Westclock of my youth. Of course it was hermetically sealed for my protection in one of those impossible-to-open hard plastic sheaths. The back was covered.
I opened the clock and set the alarm. Discovered immediately that there was no lighted dial, so I left the old electronic clock up so I could see the time. What do I expect for $4.99?
This morning the new alarm stumped me. Instead of having a pin that pulls out or pushes in, it’s a little lever that goes up and down. My brain just wasn’t used to it, and I couldn’t figure it out at that ungodly hour. More clanging to upset the Cat and the Husband.
I think I've got it now. 3 a.m. tonight, right after the Nightly News, I'll push down the pin for tomorrow.
Time flies when you are having fun.