June 25, 2010

Dress for Distress

Vigilant Road Warrior that I am, I head out each day for truth, justice, and the American way. That road whether concrete, blacktop, or gravel is beastly hot as proven with this photo in my car at noon today. Granted, the car was sitting for thirty minutes, but I make my point. 109 degrees is way hot.

We have had the hottest June on record since 1988, the year we moved from the Sunshine State. Moving back home again to Indiana, I had visions of cool summer nights where a breeze made it possible to wear a sweater. Climate change has nixed that.

Back in reality, I'm a sales rep and I'm in and out of a black car all day. In ungodly heat that lasts from May to October.

However, the greatest thing about the new job is that I do not have to wear business dress. No more suits! The sales director wants his staff to look presentable so we are to wear "business casual," and not allowed to wear the uniform of the field staff.

What the heck is business casual?

No one, until today, has been able to define it for me.

Last night I went shopping for some summer dress pants and found nothing acceptable. Kohls, Penneys, and Macys had no long dress pants at all, only Capris and something called Cropped Pants.

I'm also not one to wear those sheer, summery dresses women in their twenties live in. I have turkey waddle on my arms and my tree-stump legs are so white that people must look away -- do not stare directly into the light!

A good compromise I thought would be Capri pants.

I asked my boss if I can wear Capri pants. He didn't know and asked the Director of Human Resources. She sent out an email to the entire company reviewing the dress code policy.

Now here's the rub. Capri pants are against dress code, and one will be "written up" for wearing them on the job. However, you can wear gauchos.

Here's what Ebay has to say about gauchos and Capri pants:

Gaucho Pants
Gaucho pants, much like Capri pants, are ideal summertime clothes for women. These cropped, wide-leg trousers have grown in popularity in the United States and Europe over the past ten years, both because of their versatility and because of their unique flared legs. Like Capri pants, which also end approximately three quarters down the leg, gaucho pants are by nature flirty and eclectic. You can find stretch cord gauchos produced by fashion houses like DKNY, which feature plush cords and multiple colors.

I am thinking about launching a formal protest. Right here on the printed page, with an authority as big as Ebay, it says "Like Capri pants....gaucho pants are by nature flirty and eclectic."

Flirty and eclectic? Is this the eighties or what?

Let's review. I can wear Gaucho Pants, but I can't wear Capri pants. And both will make me appear flirty and eclectic. And how is that different from a skirt? Won't a good, stiff wind blowing up my dress make me exceptionally "eclectic?"

Screw that. I need the job. I'm going back to my polyester pants from Macy's or Dockers Metro pants (with a pocket the perfect size for a cell phone.) And I will continue to be hot.

Source: Ebay "Gaucho Pants"