June 25, 2011

For No Apparent Reason

Some things mystify me for no apparent reason.
· If I want to order the Genie bra As Seen on TV, they will double my order of three bras IF I ORDER IN THE NEXT 24 HOURS, but it takes four to six weeks for my order to be shipped. The Genie bra is made of a special dense dual-action fiber. Dual action? Sounds like a carburetor. This little torture device theoretically lifts up the Girls and makes them Perky Again.
· Why does our cat starting meowing at the door at 5:25 p.m. every day?  And why does he have to accompany me to the Throne Room no matter what time, day or night?  I call him "Mr. Peebuddy" and he calls me "Sherman." 
· Why does my best friend call me every day at 5:30 p.m. the minute my husband arrives home?
· Why do hairs erupt from my chin before special events, like flowers fast-forwarded in a nature movie? Why are chin hairs two inches long? Why does it hurt like hell to pluck them out?
· Why do I wear down the letter “L” on every keyboard before all the other letters wear down? Do I like “L” words best? ladder, ladybug, lake, lamb, lamp, leaf, leg, letters, lion, lips, lizard, llama, lobster, lock, leg, and lollipop.
· Why aren’t the people who serve at Friendly’s mean and not very friendly?
· Is one expected to “shout it out” at stained clothing when using the product Shout. For the record, we do. I really yell at something with marinara sauce on it (which will become more of a problem after I get my Genie bras. Sauce on the shelf. Bad news.)
· Why does my computer feel the need to send me a “Replace Toner” message every thirty minutes? Does it think I am not aware that I need a toner, but might not have $89 for the outrageously priced laser toner today?
· Why does my husband’s family eat noodles on top of mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner?
Why do I feel the need to make insane lists when I can think of anything else to write?