December 7, 2008

Why I Should Not Wear Make-up

From February 2008 -- I recently learned why I should not wear make-up. I have not worn much fancy paint since I was in my 20s and smeared on blue eye shadow and wore high, high heels (we are all idiots at 25, aren’t we?) And being the foxy babe I am, I never needed foundation.

Tired of age spots and circles under my eyes, I recently decided that I was going to wear foundation, Buoyed with courage, a credit card, and my encouraging friends CJ and MD, I went to Macys. At the Clinique counter, I was helped by a sort of anorexic alien being in a white coat who was visibly horrified by my pale skin. After looking down her snooty, powdered nose at me and trying powders, gels, serums, she found the appropriate liquid.

Cost one hundred and forty dollars.
And that’s the answer to the question “What price beauty?”

I bought foundation, cover up, blush, and three brushes. The Martian at the counter was chagrined because I refused to buy the skin care system that goes with everything Clinique. I decided my Walgreens Oil of Olay is good enough for women on TV so its good enough for me.

I carted home my new Clinique as well as the numerous free samples of things I don’t need in my new free Clinique kit. At home, I realize that I couldn’t see to apply this stuff in my bathroom. No way near enough light, and the mirror was too far away to view pores, age spots, and wrinkles up close and personal.

Back to the Mall where I bought a lighted make-up mirror. In my own "ladies room" I chose a location on the wall ideal for my height. While I was on a business trip, Husband did a great job of putting the mirror in the perfect spot.

The next morning I spackled my face and the experience was great. Wow, I looked so much better. The age spots were gone. Eye circles diminished. Wrinkles just a memory. A big confidence booster.

That night I came home from work and went to my "ladies room" for my evening vigil. As I was seated on my throne I realized that the placement of the new mirror was exactly where I can see myself upside down sitting on the, er, shall we say, can.

THIS is why I should not wear make-up. Quoth the raven.