March 17, 2009

Raccoon 1, Critter Roper 0

As I write this, my new friend J, the Critter Roper, is back on our roof. The Beast snuck into the trap, ate the cat food, and dragged the can across the roof. Now the Varmint has a new hole in another part of of the soffit. That Varmint really, really wants to get inside my attic.

J can’t figure it out. He says, “This is my most sensitive trap.”

I’m not nearly as fond of this house as the Varmint is. The house is too big for us now and the yard requires too much maintenance. Air hockey, foos ball, and poor white trash above-ground pool have gone unused since Son went to college. We might give the Varmint a good deal if we had not just refinanced.

I really don’t want to sound elitist but we really don’t want the Varmint or his family here. We are hoping he/she doesn’t yet have a family, and can move on to a Singles Pad for raccoons. I'm starting to think this isn't very funny.

Stay tuned. Quoth the raven.