February 16, 2010

Cold Enough For Ya?

I was born on a hot, summer day, and I am a creature of warm weather.

I am tired of winter.

I am tired of not wearing attractive shoes, rather wearing shoes with "good tread" or not-so-sexy boots.

I am tired of getting too hot in the car because I have my coat on, but to take my coat off I have to get out of the car and get cold.

I am tired of wearing a big scarf that messes up my hair and never wraps correctly around my coat.

I am tired of having a big head, so that I look ridiculous in hats and have to wear a scarf over that gigantic globe.

I am tired of my husband being unable to distinguish between my hands and my leather gloves when he holds my hand. (Actually the leather gloves are smoother.)

I am tired of wool socks that are tight around my calves but still somehow manage to slip down during the day.

I am tired of snow that turns into slush that turns into ice.

I am tired of salt that is eroding my driveway.

I am tired of the lack of snowplows in my neighborhood (thirteen years now) and the fact that despite our cleared-out driveway, we have to cautiously drive down a slippery, dangerous hill and then gain momentum to get into our own lane. Carefully avoiding Happy-Children-Out-of-School who use the street as a luge. (Which makes the street slicker, said the Crabby Post Menopausal Woman With the Big Head driving a Nissan Sentra Way Too Fast Down the Hill.

I am tired of the fact UPS delivered t packages three days in a row and they weren't wrapped in plastic and blew into a huge snowdrift (next to the sidewalk, which was plowed.)

I am tired of the windshield of my car which, while covered with a Rain-X type product, looks like glass made by thirteenth century monks and is filmy and gritty and dirty.

I am tired of my red car being brown.

I am tired of a west wind that whips through me when I'm outside like a hot knife slices through butter.

And mostly I am tired of people saying, "Cold enough for you?"

Why yes you plow-driving, sock-cap wearing, blade-totin' troglodyte, it IS cold enough for me.

Let me take you on a flight of fancy to my happy place.

In my mind I am on the beach at Seagrove, Florida. I am sitting in a wooden Adirondack chair with a matching footrest. I have my magazines stacked beside me and I'm wearing my favorite pink Gilligan-esque hat. The blue beach umbrella provides just the right amount of shade from the hot Florida sun. The sand is warm, but not too hot for me to occasionally walk down to the Gulf shoreline in my blue beach shoes. (Avoid those jelly fish.)

In this happy place I am on the beach from about 10 a.m. until noon, returning to the condo for lunch and a brief nap, and coming out again about 2 p.m. with my cooler full of crackers and fresh tuna dip. Oh, and extra cold Diet Cokes.

I watch the sunset to the west over the deep emerald water and I know that I am at home even in my mind.

3/4 cup Italian-style salad dressing
1 cup sour cream
1/2 teaspoon seasoning salt
1 tablespoon minced onion
1 teaspoon liquid smoke flavoring (THIS IS THE KEY INGREDIENT)
1 (6 ounce) can tuna, drained and flaked

1.In a medium bowl, mix the Italian-style salad dressing, sour cream, seasoning salt, onion, liquid smoke and tuna. Chill in the refrigerator approximately 1 hour before serving.

Great with crackers